This is a tricky post to write. It covers a topic which hits all the emotions.
For various reasons I am going through a period where I am often way way more impaired than i usually am. This is mostly driven by the ADHD meds.
Because of this my support is changing a bit. One of the changes is we’re using the word ‘babysitting’ again. It just pops up in conversation from time to time.
It’s not new. It’s also not meant in a mean or horrible way. It’s just kinda the best description.
It happens when I am really spaced out, often when my meds are wearing off in the evening and I am tired. It’s much more like looking after a 4-5 year old than my normal routines.
The support folks (Or my friends) just keep me safe. Make sure I’ve eaten something and if possible have washed. Sometimes that’s too much and they just help me to get dressed for bed and I go sleep it off snuggling lion. It can be quite hands on. Not ‘personal care’, but much closer than normal.
It’s not everyday, just sometimes. Just the right combo of factors and it happens. In a way is pretty good. Chilled and relaxed. It’s not a bad thing, just something we haven’t had for a while.
The emotions in the moment are not an issue. While going through the crash I am much to spaced out to notice. But after I sometimes feel guilty, or a little upset that I couldn’t get my body to do what I wanted.
The support folk really don’t mind either way so it’s not an issue for anyone. It’s not an issue for me as such. Just something I didn’t expect.
In the past the meds crash made me deeply depressed and anxious. Occasionally triggering a full panic attack. This is definitely an improvement. Even if it does test my ability to accept myself.
