In the past i have been trying as much as possible to stay in the flat and avoid transitions. Too the point where i wasn’t visiting freinds because i knew when it was time to go home, i’d get really stressed and upset.
The flat is really tricky. The entire time i am there i am overloaded. With support it mostly works, but when home alone it very quickly consumes all of my energy. It doesn’t directly lead to panic attacks as often as it used too; Instead i just end up a sort of muddled floaty person. Safe, but not comfortable or productive.
So, with that in mind we are changing things up a bit. I’m going back to a bit of “hybrid living”. Where i sleep each night will depend on what support i have in place and what i am doing that week.
If i have support in place and i have good energy, then i will go and stay in the flat. If i don’t have good support avaliable or enough energy i am staying with freinds nearby.
The hope is that this takes the pressue off. I wont find myself stuck in the flat for days on end when i would rather be elsewhere.
Unlike in the past when transitions where forced (eg, i had to go to the flat) transitions will instead be driven by me wanting to go to the flat. I can then have more autonomy over where i am staying.
It might also make the flat easier knowing i can leave for a more comfortable place at any time. Over time we can run more experiments and see if we can make the flat a little easier.
Sometimes being autistic is hard work. Many of the “normal” ways of approaching life don’t work for me, so i have to work out my own path. I’m trying to keep upbeat about this change. I see it as an oportunity to try new things rather than a failure of what went before.
