This week I had an entire verbal sentence of communication when in my flat. I’m considering it an achievement. Sort of.
Midway through a meltdown, when the extremely loud, shouty and swearing lady next door started hollering at her kids I rather unexpectedly (and accidentally!) shouted back.
"Oi, bitch next door, shut the fuck the up"
That’s my first verbal communication outside of a presentation in over 10 months.
At first I felt very angry with myself for shouting, being rude, swearing. But i’m less angry at myself now. I think it’s a bit funny.
I have language, we know that. What I can’t seem to do is get the flowing effortless conversation etc going. Words have been falling out all along. Often with no moderation. The random words and echoing are just part of my day to day life.
I was in the middle of a metldown. It’s the only phrase which ‘fell out’ and it was a defence. I couldn’t take any more of the lady’s shouting and screaming in the room next to my bedroom. I couldn’t escape it either. She wasn’t the primary cause of the metldown but she was making my only refuge unusable.
I’m at the stage where I celebrate communication so for now I will celebrate it. Not ideal for sure but it’s a start.
The babysitter didn’t mind. She was too busy laughing.