The last week was a really big and important week for me. It was very hard in places but overall I think it was positive. I learnt some new things and I had a number of achievements
I have been sleeping at my friends house for the last 3 weeks. They are extremely nice and have given me a little room of my own. It’s really nice. I feel safe there and sleep well.
However, long term I don’t want to be dependent on my friends. They can help me, but they are busy and I need more help than they can offer. Having my own flat means I can have more autonomy and support.
Going back to my normal bed was hard. It feels very different. For the first two nights I didn’t have right duvet or weighted blanket and it felt very wrong. I didn’t sleep very well.
My bedroom in my home is nice. I decided to change it a bit to make it easier to put my clock where I could see it and to make more room. The changes have worked well.
The third night was better for sleep, the forth night was really good.
This week I also had new support people. Unlike Carrie who is a babysitter (and brilliant) the two new ladies come from a care agencies. I am the first autistic person they have looked after. One of them will be staying in my flat two nights a week. The other is going to visit me every morning.
The overnight lady is nice. I have met her 7 times now and this week she stayed overnight for the first time. My friend was there too. We had a movie night and I built a little den with my thomas tent. It was really fun and I managed to stay in the room all evening.
That is a big achievement. She is nice and I am starting to trust her. I have a bedtime routine she will use when she looks after me.
She will make my friends far less stressed and also give me more autonomy.
The morning lady is newer. I only met her once. She came to my flat first time on Friday. My friend was there too.
I wasn’t able to sit in the room with her and my friend. I got too shy and needed to hide. It took me three hours of sleep to stop the wobbly shaky feeling after her visit.
She seems nice. It’s going to take lots more practice before her visits help. Long term she is very important. Eventually I hope to live with only morning and evening support.
They are not babysitters, they are use to looking after older people. It’s going to take time for them to learn how to help and not make things worse.
Something I enjoyed lots this week was new ideas from the babysitter. This week she brought over books which have songs that match. With my new bedroom layout I have a better hiding place beside the door. This has made it easier to have the door open when she visits.
After my bath she put the songs on her phone in the hallway and we tried singing along. I find words really really hard. Just being able to mutter along is a nice change.
It turns out even 15 years later I still know all the words to the barney songs and can sing one without having to force the words.
I know the songs are childish and stuff, but it makes me happy and smiling and an evening of happy smiles before the scary visit overnight was really helpful.
She always knowshow to make me smile and that is amazing.
I visit the hub lots this week. I spent a long time there and enjoyed it. I finished my book about time travel and I did lots of colouring. I also spent time hiding in mothercare and felt comfortable enough to do some colouring on Monday afternoon at a table in the cafe.
I like it there. It’s close to my friends house and the staff are super nice. I visited with my friends mum and had a really nice time talking to her using my iPad.
On Friday I went to the cinema with my friends. It was hard as I was tired and then I slept really badly. But it was nice to go. I don’t think I am ready to do it often but it was good to try.
I had a productive week too. I made most of my presentation for next week. I got very stressed a few times but it was useful to understand how much energy i can use for work without getting too tired for the rest of the day.
This week was very tiring but also very positive. Next week I am going to give a presentation (hopefully with words) and I am starting on BBC work again. I am hoping to start slowly and rebuild as I have the energy.
The time off work has been good. I have more words, I am feeling positive again and I have been able to find new places to feel safe.
I am changing my approach. Rather than trying to make being in the flat work when I am alone. I am trying more than ever to find other places to be where I feel safer. I use the flat when someone is there to look after me. That’s when it works best.
