I have written this update multiple times, but its never got published! So here’s a short version.
Things are going well. Were establishing routines and there are plenty of small achievements along the way.
I’ve been working about 40% less and that’s helped. I use the time to try new things. I visited burger king alone last week and then went to a game shop before coming home. It took lots of spoons, but it showed that the if the spoons were there i could do it. Thats good for my confidence.
We moved the babysitter time. I am no longer alone at all in the evening. The babysitter arrives at 7pm and stays till 9pm.
I am starting to be able to use the time to do things. We have a routine worked out for an evening bath and we are finding ways i can relax.
Its slow going, but it’s progress toward our goal of the babysitter being able to help me with things my friends currently do.
At the moment, being alone in the room with her causes me to panic so we are building up slowly. I have my door open more now and that’s a start.
I managed a night alone (which didn’t go so well!) and i also had my first night with paid support. Someone who i knew (a friend of a friend) stayed overnight that went a bit better.
Looking ahead to week 9 its more of the same.
The more time I spend with the babysitter, the less anxious I am. So for now, were keeping it at 2-4 hours per night and just working on building up interactions very slowly.