Just a short post today. I’ve not posted much the last few weeks as i have been getting used to my new home and haven’t have much energy for writing.
This post is about a small but important achievement. I asked one of the evening carers to help me with someone outside of the normal routine. This is something i find extremely hard.
I find it hard to ask for help because i feel pretty terrible when i cant do things. Instead of accepting a boundry to my energy or ability that day i tend to go into self attack mode and call myself stupid or lazy. We refer to it as the "mean voice". It comes from years and years of people not understanding me compounded with my own various insecurities and worries. More often than not when i encounter a limit i tend to just consider myself silly or stupid.
Yesterday i didnt. I couldn’t do something, so rather than leave it undone i did as much as i could, then asked the evening carer to finish it off for me. She even left a note to say she was happy to help and well done for asking.
I am slowly getting used to the new carers. Two of them take it in turns to visit in the evening for 2 hours. They currenly visit alongside the babysitter but they will soon be visiting alone. Being able to ask for things is an important step in getting comfortable around them. It’s only been 3 weeks so this is going well!